Anxiety

My chest begins to tighten, my face becomes flush, and breathing becomes difficult.  It is happening.  Something I have been struggling with for several years now, anxiety.  Over the years I have learned how to fight off anxiety attacks, but fighting it can sometimes be worse than the actual attack.  I have acquired many tricks to fight off the attacks, such as: breathing exercises, counting to 100 by 2’s, and sometimes resorting to singing I found you Miss New Booty in my head. (That is my favorite)  My first major panic attack was in college, and led to a trip to the emergency room.  Since then, my anxiety as a whole has persistently gotten worse. The past six months even simple things have become difficult, such as: going to the movies or going out to dinner. This has recently gotten me thinking of the causes of my anxiety, and I have come to the realization that most of my anxiety comes from fear.  You might wonder what am I afraid of. I am not talking about my irrational fear of snakes in the toilet bowl.  I am talking about subconscious fears.  The three that play the biggest part in my anxiety are: the fear of failure, the fear of the “unknown”, and the fear of judgment.

The Fear of Failure

I feel that the fear of failure is a common for many people.  Failure is defined differently according to the individual.  I have always defined failure as not reaching my goals and/or not being successful.  There are two problems with my definition of failure: 1). My definition of success was all wrong and 2). Happiness was not one of my goals.  Success, just like failure, is defined differently according to the individual. I have defined success as how much money I make.   I have been told my whole life there is more to life than money, why didn’t I listen? Don’t get me wrong, money is important but it should not be the only factor measuring my success. I want my success to be based on the relationships I make, my self-worth, good deeds, and happiness. Happiness was something I did not plan for in my “big master plan”.  I have been so obsessed with not being a “failure”, I forgot to be happy.

The Fear of the Unknown

I know that sounds strange, so let me explain.  For every decision I make, I ALWAYS second guess myself.  It does not matter how small or how large the decision is, I will doubt myself every time. This can become exhausting.  I am also a planner, for everything I do I want a specific plan and I want everything to go according to that plan. Sometimes I will worry about things that do not happen for months or even years.  For Example: A few months ago, I let my mind wander and started worrying about where I am going to live when my lease is up.  My lease is not even up for another six months and this almost sent me into a panic attack.  When I am always second guessing my decisions and worrying about the future, I forget to live in the present.  I forget to appreciate the small things in life.  I don’t want to look back when I’m older and regret spending my 20s worrying about everything.  I want to live my life.

The Fear of Judgment

This is the hardest one to admit.  At some point in their lives, everyone struggles with self-esteem and self- confidence. Most people want to be liked and accepted by others. I have had people in my life that have put me down and made me feel like nothing.  They used their insecurities as a weapon, to make me feel like I was not good enough.  The bad part is that I let them do it.  I let them get to me and sub-consciously I believed it was true.  So every interaction I have with others, I feel insecure and those same thoughts fill my mind.  I am done being afraid of judgment. I am intelligent, funny, and have a lot to offer to this world and it is about time I showed it.

Now that I better understand the source of my anxiety, I can work to fix it.  I am not going to let anxiety rule my life anymore. I am going to replace the fear of failure with patience.  I am going to let go of the fear of the unknown and live in the present. I am going to replace my insecurities with confidence.  I am going to rid myself of this monster known as anxiety.

Anybody that reads this and is currently struggling with anxiety, just know that you are not alone.  It is hard to talk about and difficult to convey to people how hard it can be sometimes.  We sometimes have to paint on that smile and struggle through it, but that is no way to live life.  The best thing you can do is talk to someone.  I want to thank my friends and family that have helped me through some tough times and I look forward to brighter days. 

Letting Go of the Past

Let go of the past. It sounds so easy doesn't it?  Why can past experiences creep into our minds and take over our thoughts?  We all have past experiences that we wish we could either change or forget.  These experiences include everything from past mistakes, relationships, or people that have wronged you.  Our minds will often wander and try to figure out what we would have done differently. Sometimes we focus so much on the past that we forget to live in the present. Eventually we have to let go of the past, if not it will consume you.

You Cannot Change the Past

We have all heard the saying, “If I could do it all over again.”  The sad thing is that you cannot do it all over again.  It is hard to come to the realization that some mistakes and experiences cannot be changed. The moment you leave the past in the past you will have a clearer focus on the present.

Learn From It

Although we cannot change the past, we can use past experiences to help shape our future.  If you were surrounded by someone who brought you down, you now know the type of person you do not want to be.  If you made mistakes, you know now not to make those same mistakes.  The best thing we can do is to take these experiences and learn from them. Even if you do not realize it, these experiences have helped shape who you are today.

Forgive

Forgiveness is essential to letting go of the past.  Not only do you need to forgive others from your past, but most importantly you must forgive yourself for past mistakes. If you do not forgive the ones that wronged you, you are holding on to some ugly monster known as resentment and hatred. Through forgiveness, you help rid yourself of the burdens from your past. 

Letting go of the past is not easy, it is easier said than done. Even when you think you have let go, the past will sometimes sneak back up and rear its ugly head.  Just keep in mind that the past cannot be changed, learn from it, and forgive yourself and others.  Your past will always be a part of you, but never let it control you. Your past is also filled with good experiences, those are the experiences you should hold on to and cherish. 

What are ways that you deal with bad past experiences? Is letting go of these bad past experiences something you have already accomplished?

The Emotions of Job Hunting

Job hunting. If you are like me, these words bring up many emotions, including: anger, anxiety, and even hopefulness. As many of you know, job hunting can be very stressful and can leave you feeling helpless after a period of time.  Swimming through job postings that you are either over qualified or under qualified for, can become exhausting. As I continue my job search, I recognize the emotions I feel and try to deal with each emotion in different ways.

Anger

During this endless process of resumes, cover letters, and follow up emails, I begin to feel angry.  My anger is mostly directed at myself.  I start second guessing all my decisions I made in college.  Should I have of choice a different major? Should I have added a minor to my degree? Should I have joined a fraternity to gain network connections? What could I have done to make me better qualified for career opportunities? As these questions swirl through my mind, I have to take a step back and re-evaluate my situation.  As a college graduate from a Mississippi State University, in New Orleans I am competing with graduates from prestigious universities all over the country.  I guess you can say I am now a small fish in a large pond.  A job, especially the type of job you really want, is not going to fall into your lap.  Use that anger as a motivational tool.  If you are not happy with your level of education, take night classes. You cannot change the past, but you can definitely change your future.  

Anxiety

This process also brings on a lot of anxiety.  Similar to anger, you begin questioning everything about the process.  Is my resume up to par? Will my cover letter make me stand out from other applicants?  Will they find my skills and experience suitable for this position? I could continue with hundreds of other questions that swirl through the mind of job applicants.  The best way to fight this feeling of anxiety is: confidence. This feeling of confidence will help with the anxiety that comes along with job hunting.  This confidence should translate to your cover letters, resumes, follow-up emails, and interviews. If you are not confident with yourself, no one else is going to be confident in your abilities.

Hopefulness

Many of us have applied for positions that we thought we were perfect for.   We send our resume and cover letter with confidence knowing that our qualifications translate well for this position.  The days that follow are the hardest.   Every time our phone rings we think, This is the call.  Most of the time that is not the case and that anxiety starts to rear its ugly head again.   Out of all the emotions I have mentioned,  hopefulness is what keeps us going.  It is the only thing about job hunting that gets you excited, gets your heart pumping, and your mind wandering at the great possibilities that are in reach.  We cannot lose this feeling of hopefulness and along with it we must have patience.  As tough as it gets, as bleak as it sometimes looks, we must remain patient. 

So as we toll away, searching for that “perfect” job, let’s use the emotions we feel to our advantage. Take that anger and use it for motivation, replace anxiety with confidence, and always remain hopeful and patient.  As tedious, and discouraging job hunting can be, always remember that it is a learning experience and to take the good with the bad.   What are some other emotions that you feel while job-hunting and how do you deal with these emotions? Experienced job hunters, what is some advice you would give to younger job hunters and recent college graduates?